


Wish You Were Here

by cyncyn1110



Series: And the Song Goes on [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean/Sam - Freeform, M/M, Wincest - Freeform, chick flick moments, pink floyd - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 18:59:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3739909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyncyn1110/pseuds/cyncyn1110
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Sam are left dealing with Johns death. Dean is also left dealing with Johns last words to him which causes him to push Sam away</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wish You Were Here

The room was dark and as Sam lay in bed. He could hear the floor creaking beneath steps he knew well. He heard them stop just outside the door and the floor gave one more whine as his brother leaned in to listen for Sam's deep sleep breathing. Dean knew Sam just as well and instead of turning the knob he turned on his heel and the footsteps walked away. 

Each fading step felt like a punch to Sam's gut. The same person who had just a week and a half before claimed Sam in the moonlight against his car was now avoiding him. He knew Dean was keeping something from him. Had even asked him if their father had said something before he died but Dean said no.  
Sam continued to lay in the dark and it wasn't long before he heard the telling sounds of metal on metal which meant Dean was working again and Sam would toss and turn until sleep finally found him.  
\-------------------------------------------

Sam, steeled himself as he approached the pair of boots sticking out of what was left of the impala. 

"How's the car coming along?"

There was a slight pause before his brother answered "slow".

"Yeah? Need any help?" Sam could nearly hear Dean rolling his eyes from beneath the metal.

"What, You under a hood? I'll pass."

"Need anything else then?" As Dean pushed himself from under the car Sam felt a hint of hope that maybe he was going to get a real response from him.

That glimmer soon died. "Stop it, Sam."

"Stop what?"

"Stop asking if I need anything. Stop asking if I'm ok. I'm ok. Really. I promise."

Sam shifted from one foot to the other before deciding not to leave it alone. "Alright Dean, it's just we've been at Bobby's for over a week and you haven't brought Dad up once..."

"You know what? You're right. Come here. I'm gonna lay my head gently on you're shoulder. Maybe we can cry, hug and maybe even slow dance." Dean had to look away at the hurt he saw move across Sam's face.

"Don't patronize me Dean. Dad is dead. The colt is gone. And it seems pretty damn likely that the demon is behind all this and you're acting like nothing happened."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Say something alright! Anything! Aren't you angry? Don't you want revenge? But all you do is sit out here all day buried underneath this damn car. You've been avoiding being alone with me and don't tell me you haven't. "

"Revenge huh? Well I sure as hell don't have any leads. The colt is gone Sam, we've got nothing. And as for me avoiding being alone with you that's bullshit. We sleep in the same room."

"Dean, you don't come in until I'm passed out." Sam looked down at his feet rather than face his brothers rejection.

"I don't want Bobby finding out that we're an us!" Dean motioned between Sam and himself. "I'm dealing the best I can Sammy, but I'm ok."

Sam seemed pacified by this and pulled his cell phone out. "Well we do have something." He handed the cell phone to Dean so he could hear Ellen's message.

"Who's Ellen? Any mention of her in Dad's journal?"

"No, but I got a phone number and address."

\-------------------------------------------

Dean wasn't sure how he felt about Ellen just yet. The idea that their father would keep her voicemail for four months implied that it meant something to him. But why not tell them about her?

They really could use all the help they could find. And if this Ash guy was the real deal why wouldn't their father have gone to the road house sooner. He also wasn't too keen on handing Johns folder over to some reject from the 80's but he meant it when he told Sam they had nothing else. On top of all this confusion Dean was doing a pretty good job of alienating Sam.

The last conversation he had with their father replayed in his mind constantly. He had to tell Sam, he hated keeping secrets from him. He just wanted a little more information first, but he had no idea where to start. 

Dean knew Sam could sense something besides his dealing (or not) with Johns death. He also knew Sam would only take being pushed away for so long so he was careful when he realized Jo was giving him that look. Made sure that he was clear about not looking for anything after she assumed he was. When he glanced over at Sam, he and Ellen were talking about some file but Dean wasn't fooled, he knew how good at multitasking his little brother was. 

"Dean, come here, check this out."

He walked over and stood close enough for Sam to understand the intimacy but not close enough for Ellen to raise a brow. 

"Yeah?" Dean said looking down at the file.

"A few murders not far from here that Ellen caught wind of. Looks to me like there might be a hunt." 

"Yeah so?" Dean furrowed his eyebrows at Sam but he was not deterred.

"So I told her we'd check it out." Dean knew the conversation was over when Sam pulled the file closer and began his usual research routine.  
\-------------------------------------------

Sam filled Dean in on the details about a killer clown as they rode in a barely running minivan which was the only thing Bobby had "working" in the salvage yard. 

"So why were you so eager to jump on this case?" Dean looked over at Sam, but he was looking through the file so he didn't make eye contact.

"I don't know" Sam shrugged , "I just think this job, it's what dad would have wanted us to do." 

"What dad would have wanted?" Dean tried to keep his annoyance undetectable. 

"Yeah so?" Sam looked at Dean like what their father wanted had always been at the top of his list.

"Nothin"  
\-------------------------------------------

"Man we've done some weird stuff before but I think carnie takes the cake man." Dean leaned on his broom and watched Sam for a minute before continuing. "Hey Sam, since when do you not want to go back to school? Or was that just something you were saying to Cooper to get this circus job?"

"I don't know?" Sam continued sweeping while keeping a particularly happy clown standing 20 feet away in his line of vision.

"Well I just thought that maybe after this demon was dead you'd want to go back and be Joe college." 

"I'm not sure, maybe I'm having second thoughts." Sam looked down at a napkin that he suddenly found interesting.

"Really?" Dean put the broom down and crossed his arms.

"Yeah I think dad would have wanted me to stick to the job." 

"Since when do you give a damn what dad wanted? You spend half your life doing exactly what he didn't want, Sam." 

"Since he died, ok? Do you have a problem with that?" Sam gave Dean that challenging look he knew so damn well.

"Naw, we don't have a problem." He walked away knowing that Sam was watching as he did.  
\-------------------------------------------

Sam was beside himself. He was trying hard to give his brother space to deal with their fathers death but this was something more. Dean had cut off their relationship entirely. Left Sam to mourn their father and the loss of intimacy with the only person he had to lean on as well. He was alone. 

They walked around the minivan erasing any traces of themselves just in case the parents of the of the girl they just saved had caught a glimpse of the tags. As they walked away leaving the van behind Dean finally spoke up.

"Well one things for sure"

"What's that" Sam asked keeping his eyes ahead.

"We're not dealing with a spirit, I mean that rock salt hit something solid."

"Like a person? Or maybe a creature that can make itself invisible?"

"Yeah that dresses up like a clown for kicks" Dean laughed at Sam's visible shiver at the mere mention of the circus staple. "Does it say anything in dads journal?

"Nope" Sam said as he pulled his cell phone out.

"Who are you calling?"

"Maybe Ellen or that guy Ash'll know something. Hey you think, uh, you think Dad and Ellen ever had a thing?"

"No way"

"Then why wouldn't he tell us about her?"

Dean shrugged "I don't know maybe they had some sort of falling out."

"Yeah. You ever notice dad had a falling out with just about everybody?" Sam watched as Dean simply nodded and didn't comment. "We'll don't get all maudlin on me man."

Dean stopped walking and faced Sam

"What do mean?"

"I mean this strong silent thing of yours, it's crap."

Dean rolled his eyes "oh god"

"I'm over it man. This isn't just anyone we're talking about, this is dad. I know how you felt about the man."

"You know what back off, all right? Just because I'm not caring and sharing just like you want me to. I'm sorry I don't want to cuddle with you and cry."

"No, no, no, that's not what this is about, Dean. I get it, I've been giving you space and I don't care how you deal with dad's death. But you have to deal with it man. Listen before anything I'm your brother, all right? I just want to make sure you're okay.

"Dude I'm okay. I'm okay, okay? I swear the next person who asks me if I'm okay, I'm gonna start throwing punches. These are your issues, quit dumping them on me!"

"What are you talking about?

"I just think it's really interesting, this sudden obedience you have to dad. It's like 'oh what would dad want me to do.' Sam you spent your entire life slugging it out with the man. I mean hell, you picked a fight with him the last time you ever saw him. And now that he's dead now you want to make it right? We'll I'm sorry Sam, but you can't, it's too little too late."

"Why are you saying this to me?"

"Because I want you to be honest with yourself about this. Is this about dad or is this about me not being all over your ass? I'm dealing with dad's death are you?"

Sam looked like Dean had punched him in the stomach and Dean couldn't help but feel a little guilt through his anger. "I'm gonna call Ellen." Dean watched him walk ahead and make the call.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Sam walked through the salvage yard toward the classic rock coming from a small transistor he prepared his speech. He could hear the his favorite Pink Floyd song begin its mournful cry as Roger Waters began asking "so you think you tell?"

"Hey"

"Hey, listen Sammy..."

"You were right."

"About what?"

"About me and Dad. I'm sorry that the last time I was with him I tried to pick a fight. I'm sorry that I spent most of my life angry at him. I mean for all I know he died thinking that I hate him. So you're right. What I'm doing right now, it's too little. It's too late. I miss him man. And I feel guilty as hell. And I'm not alright. Not at all. But neither are you." 

As Dean stepped closer and began to reach out, Sam made himself step back. " I get you wanting to back away from me. You take whatever time you need. But I'm hurting too, you know. He's gone... And so are you." Sam cleared his throat " I'll let you get back to work."

Sam turned away with his hands in his pockets and walked towards the house before Dean could see his self control disappear. He was walking up the front step when he heard the unmistakable sound of metal slamming against metal as as the radio stated "I wish you here".

**Author's Note:**

> So the first thing my wife said after reading this was "where's the sex?" So I hope you can forgive the lack of it. I promise it will be back next post ;)


End file.
